Bentonville, AR – Wal-Mart today showed why it is such a successful corporation by offering—for the first time in history—an innovative moneymaking option that will advertise Wal-Mart to anyone engaging in conversations with these people. “In this economy, this gives Wal-Mart a chance to give the public an easy option to make those few extra dollars to keep their checkbooks balanced, while benefiting from an increased awareness of Wal-Mart,” the public relations director of Wal-Mart Stores, Inc. told us. The way it works is quite simple. Anyone that signs up for this program must attach a bug, similar to the ones used to spy on people, to their body and keep it with them at all times to get credit for their work. At any point in their conversations, he may call out, “Brought to you by Wal-Mart,” and he will get 25 cent store credit, usable immediately. Although this seems like an easy way to make some easy money, its onset has brought on a multitude of criticisms. Some criticize that since you may only use the money as store credit, this simply a way to make customers come to Wal-Mart and only Wal-Mart. Some say that strict rules on getting credit for saying “Brought to you by Wal-Mart” such as the “160 second rule,” which states that you may only credit for it every 160 seconds, and another rule that states vaguely that you have to be in an active conversation to get credit may discourage customers enrolled in the program from benefitting from the program. Nevertheless, there are strong advocates for the program. “I love this program, I love Wal-Mart,” says a St. Stephen’s student Jay Sheth. “I love how I can get free money for saying… [Alarm Beeps] Oh, that’s my alarm to let me know 160 seconds have passed. Brought to you by Wal-Mart.” Although it may seem that Wal-Mart is doing a favor to those of us who are squeezing to make every dollar count, it will be apparent what a high cost Wal-Mart is causing our economy with its low prices.
In other news, there have been rumors that ExxonMobil is planning to counterbid Wal-Mart’s bid to acquire the SEC to avoid any more difficulties in dominating the world.