Stanford, CA – On a recently released admissions record for the 2008-2009 application season, Stanford swept aside all previous selectivity record by any university in the world by reaching a negative acceptance rate of -1.5%. “This is a great achievement for any selective university in the world and is a testimony to the quality of our student body,” said Mr. Richard Shaw, who is the Dean of Admissions and Financial Aid at Stanford. “Our condolences are with all who have been denied admittance into our great university.” Indeed, out of the 14 million students across the world who applied to Stanford this year, equal to the entire population of Seoul, 16.1 million students were denied acceptance to Stanford University. Another employee of the Stanford University’s Admissions Office, who declined to be identified, remarked, “When you’re denying more students than that have applied, it is not hard at all to make decisions on who to accept and who to deny. What is hard, however, is how to hire all the people needed to write the rejection letter to 16 million students.” Students around the world were mixed in their response. Max Chester, a student from St. Stephen’s Episcopal School in Austin, Texas, confusedly said “I guess I can’t complain when everybody in the world and their mothers got rejected.” Jane Doe, from Hicksville, Missouri, said “I didn’t even apply and got rejected! I don’t know what to think!” Mr. Shaw did say, however, that the negative acceptance rate is not likely to persist, however. “This year represents a significant challenge to the seniors this year,” said Mr. Shaw. “With a sharp increase in the number of seniors applying to colleges and everybody having A’s and B’s, it’s no wonder that our acceptance rate has dropped so low. I’m sure after this challenge, the Class of ’09 can go on to overcome any difficulties.”
In other news, statisticians around the world have even more reasons to be confused as Seoul National University reported this year an unimaginable acceptance rate of 3i %.